Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
