No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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