I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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