theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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