our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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