Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
