her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
