i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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