don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
