i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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