i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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