We got so high we made milksteak
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
