I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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