why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
