I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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