I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
