I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
