I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
