I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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