I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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