9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
