How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
