The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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