Only a mothe r could love this liver
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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