Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
