Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
should my penis look like a turkey
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
