What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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