smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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