....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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