Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
