The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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