i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
