guys are only as good as the porn they watch
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
