I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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