she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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