soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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