Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
