...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
