and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
