Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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