Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just had sex on a roof
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
