sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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