he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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