I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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