During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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