Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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