I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
