we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
