Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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