i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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