remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
