Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
