look no pants
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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