Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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