Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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