Say something about gay babies.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
