So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
