I'm so fucking centered right now
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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